Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Goals And Hopes For 2014...Fears I Have Moving Forward...

I have big hopes for 2014. Lots of goals.
And it starts today. Now.
This is going to be a year of transformation for me.

...But...I have some fears.
A fear I have starting out, is that I'm going too hard too fast. That I want too much too soon.
I'm GREAT at jumping into the deep end head first. I'm also great at being an excellent swimmer in that deep least for a little while.
But then after just a few minutes my muscles start going out on me, and before I know it I'm stuck in the middle of that pool, no ground to stand on and nothing to grab onto to keep me afloat. My legs and my arms have all given out on me and all I can do is sink.
I've found over the years that I'm a great sprint runner. I can run with great speed for short distances. But I'm just no good at long distance endurance races. I just can't last!
...And I am of course talking metaphorically! the real world I'm totally allergic to running! Sprinting and endurance! :P

I could list some examples of what I'm talking about...but I'd be here ALL day!

I will say that I've never know why I'm the way I am with this. Why I can't seem to go the distance. Why I pick up projects and hobbies and get super excited and put myself into them 120%...then one day I either find myself overwhelmed with it, or just completely disinterested in it for seemingly no reason.
Well I think I'm starting to find answers on why I'm like this. And that answer is ADHD. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
I don't want to dig into ADHD and me in this post...I will dig into ADHD later here, but I do fully believe I'm ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) and I do believe that's why I struggle so deeply with keeping interested in hobbies, and finishing projects and goals in my life.
I don't mean this as an excuse...but rather as a way to understand why I struggle in the ways that I struggle.
And knowing what's going on will, I believe, prove to be extremely powerful in helping me figure out ways that I CAN hold onto and finish goals, projects, responsibilities and hobbies.
For one thing I'll hopefully find some form of medication that can help me stay focused. For another thing I can start to seek out proper therapy and training to assist me on how to live with and manage my ADHD and use it to my advantage.

I do believe medications and proper treatment for my ADHD will play a paramount role in my success this year.
I have an appointment with a psychologist on January 9th for an eval. Me and my therapist are hoping this psychologist can help me with gaining a diagnosis, as well as help me figure out medications that can help.
I've heard over and over on a forum I'm a part of at how finding proper medications was a starting point for people. How their lives were controlled by chaos and constant struggles before the found medications that worked for them.
It makes me quite hopeful in my near future. I've never enjoyed taking medications...for anything. But for the first time in my life I'm actually excited to give meds a try.
I really hope that with meds and support (both online and off) that I'll be able to stick with my big plans for this year!

I just wanted to post this up real quick. It's some concerns I have moving into 2014. Thought it might be a good idea to get them out there.

My next post I'll go over some goals I have for 2014 :).

And...seeing as it's the new plans start NOW!

Right now I'm going to get up, and go for a walk! I'm aiming for 3000 steps (I have a really neat pedometer called the Striiv Smart Pedometer that I absolutely love...I plan on making a post covering it someday here!).



Horrible lighting! Sorry about that! I was having a heck of a time trying to get a good image of my Striiv lol.
Anyhow, took a 7,500+ step walk today and it felt great! :)



  1. Look at you, exceeding your 3,000 steps goal by more than double. That's terrific! :)